LIFE ON HARD MODE

From the outside perspective, choosing to live life as an out poly person could be choosing to live on hard mode. This is something I am sure I will hear even more so as a parent.

              I have faced and know I will face more questions and comments, especially knowing we currently live in a rural and more conservative area:

“Is it fair to raise a child in this lifestyle?”

“ Won’t that be confusing for your children? “

“Your kids will think you don’t love their dad.”

“ What are other people going to say to your kids?”

 “You are going to feel awful when your kids get bullied for this.”

              I think the people in my life think I made this decision impulsively, or that it is just a phase. However, I promise, my decision to live life as an out poly person was not made on a whim. It took careful thought, lots of battling my inner voices, consistent reminders of why this is important, and the risk of consequences of other’s reactions. Even launching this blog has come with a variety of reactions from friends and family.

              I am under no delusion that my identity as a poly person will not impact my child. I know they will face judgment, hear comments whispered, and sadly probably even be denied play dates because of how I chose to live my life. However, I hope what my child learns is strength, confidence, and a desire to live authentically for themselves, despite the challenges.

              I know the risks posed to my family. But I also know the risks if I were to not live my life authentically. As someone who has struggled with depression and anxiety in the past, a large part of that has been guided by self-doubt and not feeling like I am good enough. Not living authentically would only further drive that point home. I would be telling myself I am not good enough to be my true self.

Parental mental health greatly impacts children! Attachment is impacted if we are unavailable to show up and meet our children’s needs because we have no energy, are weighed down by feelings of hopelessness, or struggle with suicidal thoughts. I am realistic enough to know I will likely battle rounds of depression throughout my parenting journey. However, I refuse to let living inauthentically be a factor as to why.

              Another lesson I want to pass onto my children is to be confident in who they are. I want my child to know they can love who they love, enjoy the hobbies they want to enjoy, and truly feel comfortable in their own skin. If I cannot live as an example, how can I hope that for them? I want to model we can handle adversity so my child knows they will always have us in their corner and that we have been there too.

              Therefore, I have chosen to live out and proud. And as a parent, I vow:

·       I will stand by my child in the adversity we may face

·       I will take care of my mental health to be the best parent I can be to them

·       I will listen to my child and support them when they tell me the hardships they face because of me

I know life will not be easy for me or my family. But we will navigate it together in transparency and honesty. I hope if you are in a similar boat then you are able to pause and consider what is best for both you and your family. My choice is not everyone’s and whatever you decide is valid. We can be poly, and we can be great parents.