“So, do you all just sleep together?”
This title says it all. I truly lost count of how many times we have been asked this question. And I get it, right? People are curious. What the mechanic, the gardener, and I have is unique and not easy to define.
So here you go. No, we do not all sleep together. So, what does that mean for us? People like labels, so if I had to put us in a label, we are a non-hierarchical V.
What works for us might not work for others, though. So, let’s talk about possible structures. The structures I am commenting on refer to polyamory configurations, not specifically ENM in general.
V: A “V” relationship structure is one in which one person has two partners who are not romantically or sexually involved with one another (me, the mechanic, and the gardener). The person in the center, sometimes referred to as the hinge (the mechanic) has romantic relationships with both additional partners.
N: An “N” relationship structure is when two people, each part of another couple, are together romantically as well. Basically, this relationship structure is two V’s. So, if the mechanic and I are in a relationship and the gardener is dating a chef, and the gardener and the mechanic are together this would be an N.
Asterisk: An asterisk is a description of a person who has several or many partners. They are the center of the asterisk and their additional partners are various points off of that. This may also be referred to as solo polyamory.
Triad or Throuple: This relationship structure is one where all three partners are involved romantically and/or physically.
Network: This is a dynamic in which all people have the option to have romantic and/or sexual connections with whomever they please. The diagram often represents a web.
Within these types of structures, there are often two types: hierarchical and nonhierarchical. Hierarchical dynamics tend to prioritize one part of the dynamic (the primary) over additional partners. In nonhierarchical dynamics, all partners are prioritized equally.
Despite the variety of structures, maybe none of these fit or seem to work for you. Polyamory is your journey so define it how you will and create a structure that works for you and your partners.
